We recently sat down with The Dark Lord himself to find out which backhoes are the cream of the crop when it comes to planting evidence of prehistoric creatures in order to undermine the Truth of Creationism and turn souls away from God.
"Let's face it, burying dinosaur bones is a tricky business," said Satan. "At times, you may need a backhoe that can handle the weight and size of these massive bones—and do it without leaving any trace behind. Other times, you need something more precise to accurately place small fragments within the proper sedimentary layer."
So, without further ado, here are the Devil's top five backhoes for burying dinosaur bones:
Huddig 1370T Hybrid - "This beast of a machine can handle even the largest dinosaur bones with ease. Plus, its hybrid engine makes it environmentally friendly, which is important when you're also trying to dismantle the fossil fuel industry in order destroy society and usher in a New World Order."
Caterpillar 420F2 "The 420F2 is a true workhorse. Its powerful engine and large bucket mean you can move even the heaviest bones quickly and efficiently. Plus, it looks pretty intimidating, which is always a bonus."
John Deere 310SL - "This backhoe is all about precision. Its advanced controls and intelligent digging system mean you can excavate narrow tunnels with surgical precision, without disturbing the surrounding earth. Perfect for burying fossil fragments that will be combed over by heathen paleontologists who have unwittingly devoted their lives to my cause."
Komatsu WB93R - "This is a giant of a machine with a massive bucket. That means you can move huge amounts of dirt and bones in a single scoop, making the burial process faster and more efficient."
JCB 3CX - "Last but not least, we have the 3CX. This backhoe is a real work of art, with its sleek design and powerful engine. It's perfect for burying dinosaur bones in hard-to-reach places—like beneath mountains or in deep underground caves—lending credence to their natural discovery."
Lucifer's lengthy list is sure to spark controversy among scientists and paleontologists, who may be concerned about the potential loss of income and grants that could come from the general public learning that their life's work is all a farce to discredit the Word of God. The Prince of Lies, however, isn't worried.
"I've got these science worshipping liberals so brainwashed, no amount of evidence will stop them from denying the Bible. I could honestly call in sick everyday until Armageddon and still win the bet."
