WASHINGTON, DC—Outgoing U.S. President Donald Trump is expected to use his last day as president offering clemency to dozens of people. The list is said to be in the hundreds and features friends, relatives, loyalists, rappers, and possibly even the Tiger King himself, Joe Exotic. As of this morning, Trump has already pardoned a few notable figures in the industrial/goth/hot topic dance scene.
Sin Quirin of Ministry, Dahvie Vanity of Blood on the Dancefloor, and William Control of whoever he is are all said to be alleged predators of underage girls. Trump's disdain for "Cancel Culture" has led him to "pardon" these men of their "crimes." When informed that none of them have been charged or convicted of anything, Trump insisted that he add them to the list.
There has been no word yet on whether And One will be pardoned for being a crazy, Qanon Twitter nut. This article will be updated as more details are released.
