Five Ways to Improve Intimacy with Your Partner (Besides Sharing Needles)

It's not uncommon for couples to feel they're struggling with intimacy. Whether it's due to a lack of communication, different expectations, or just a general feeling of disconnection, there are a few things you can do to help improve the situation besides sharing needles. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

1. Talk about your fantasies. What turns you on? What are your secret desires? Talking about these things could help to bring you closer together and make sex even more enjoyable if either of you weren't so strung out that your sex drive was completely gone.

2. Express gratitude. Did your partner go out of their way to cop in a different neighborhood? Did they pay the dopeman with something other than money? Be sure to let them know how much you appreciate the things they do to keep you both high.

3. Be present. Instead of letting your mind wander, focus on the present moment and enjoy the sensations of your body. This can help you to achieve a more intense level of intimacy as you both nod out together.

4. Communicate. If something isn't working for you, or you’re not enjoying yourself, speak up. Good communication is essential to finding a new plug if the latest batch from your current supplier is weak.

5. Experiment. Be willing to try new things together. Try doing speedballs. Maybe you prefer morphine. Change things up by using a different vein.

By trying out these different techniques, you can bring a new level of intimacy to your relationship without doing anything reckless and unhealthy.

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Aggressive Shrugging at Sound Guy Feels Proactive to Guitarist

DALLAS, TX—In what can only be described as a bizarre display of incompetence, a guitarist at a recent live performance left audience members scratching their heads after they spent much of their time on stage aggressively shrugging and staring at the sound guy in frustration.

The guitarist of Mechanical Zebra Carcass was visibly unhappy with the sound during their set and inexplicably decided to try and solve the issue by using non-verbal communication. However, their attempts were met with confusion from both the audience and the sound guy.

At one point during the performance, the guitarist even went as far as silently mouthing the words, "What the fuck?", which did nothing to help the situation. It was clear to everyone except the guitarist that their actions were not helpful in any way.

Despite the confusion, the show went on, and the audience was left wondering if the guitarist had ever learned the basic communication skills necessary for a successful live performance or just existence in society in general.

One audience member, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "It was really frustrating to watch. You could tell something was wrong, but no one knew what it was. At one point toward the end of the show, the guitar did just cut out entirely, but that might've just been the sound guy fucking with them for being a jackass."

Another attendee added, "Is it like a rule that you can't talk to the sound guy? Is it not allowed? That was so dumb."

In the end, the overall performance was great, and nothing was noticeably wrong aside from the few times the guitarist stopped playing to shrug or pace the stage in frustration. The guitarist's total lack of serious attempt to fix the sound issue was what ultimately hurt the show. Hopefully, this incident will serve as a lesson for other musicians on the importance of clear communication with their sound crew. Or for literally anyone in any situation in which they'd like someone to do something differently.

Headline by Eli Vance of Antonym

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